A successful mentoring relationship relies on trust, rapport and a working style that suits the way you think and lead. Even with good intentions on both sides, sometimes the fit is not right. That does not reflect poorly on you or the mentor. It simply means the chemistry or approach is not aligned.

Understanding how to handle this situation calmly and professionally helps you protect your development and keep momentum.

Recognising when the fit is not right

There are times when mentoring does not feel productive. Signs may include

• You do not feel understood or fully heard
• The conversations feel surface level or repetitive
• The level of challenge is too soft or too forceful
• The mentor’s style does not match your way of thinking
• You leave sessions feeling unclear rather than focused
• Progress feels slow or inconsistent

Fit is personal. It is about how the relationship works for you, not whether the mentor is good or bad.

Addressing concerns early

If something feels off, raise it early. A professional mentor will welcome the conversation and work with you to recalibrate. This may involve

• Clarifying expectations
• Adjusting the session structure
• Changing the balance between challenge and support
• Focusing more on real decisions and live issues

Progress often accelerates when both sides reset and realign openly.

How to start the conversation

A simple and respectful approach helps. For example

I want to check how we are working together and make sure I am getting the most from our sessions. There are a few things I would like to adjust so we maintain momentum.

This keeps focus on improvement rather than blame.

When adjustment is not enough

If you have raised concerns and still feel the fit is not right, it is reasonable to step back. This is not failure. It is a professional decision about what serves your development best.

You are not obligated to continue simply because you started.

Changing mentor without discomfort

A capable and professional mentor will respect your choice. Changing mentor can happen smoothly when you

• Acknowledge the effort so far
• Explain you want a different style or focus
• Keep the conversation factual and respectful
• Move forward with clarity

Most mentors appreciate a clear close rather than silent disengagement.

Protecting your progress

If you decide the fit is not right, ensure you take the learning with you.
Ask yourself

• What worked well
• What did I need more of
• What style brings out my best thinking
• How can I make that clear at the start next time

This reflection strengthens your next mentoring experience.

Final thought

The right mentoring relationship brings clarity, momentum and confidence. If the fit is not right, addressing it ensures you stay on track. Honest conversation protects value and shows leadership maturity. The goal is not to avoid discomfort, but to find the partner who helps you think well and perform at your best.

Choosing mentoring is a decision to grow. Choosing the right mentor ensures that growth happens.